Despondent

8in x 8in Frame included. Micron on paper.

My Vanitas series all relate to the intensity of emotions and apathy in my series. This piece I wanted to challenge myself to leave the least amount of negative space possible and to focus on hiding the skull. It’s nestled in chamomile. I gifted my friend chamomile flowers when she came home from Mexico and I was surprised to see them still surviving days later. The flowers represent strength in adversity. I am experiencing temporary homelessness. This pending reality, along with many others stressors caused me to have an episode where I nearly threw myself off an overpass. While the thoughts haven’t quelled, because since the attempt I have lost my home, my cat, I strained my most important relationships. Yet I’m still alive and creating. It feels like my skills and my life progresses without me. I’m disconnected like I did die that night. So this piece is how it feels to be at a standstill while life continues around you. Nothing seems important. However, like I created this and many more some things do come of it. The only thing helping me is hearing from others who have my mental disorder tell me their stories and of course music. I’ve been having more people come to me about my work, which gives me a sense of purpose.