Unceremoniously (PRINT)

11 x 14 prints on water and UV-resistant matte finish.

This piece is more than just an ego boost—me creating something better and perfecting my skills. Because when I first started this painting I was set for my first art show in New York, and I returned with no home- my possessions halved. I found myself going mad— what did I do to deserve this? I found myself walking a circle we all walk.

We all have patterns and we all have the capacity of evil. That morbid voice that echos when you’re alone indulging you in diabolical fantasies. So many people want to put that pain and evil on another entity- it’s the other person, it’s life, it’s our country as if we don’t have complete autonomy of our minds. This piece is me coming full circle and sitting with the terms that I am the cause of my suffering. Because while I’m rotting in half my potential the world still turns.

Am I a good person? So many times I’ll ask this and outside people will chime in “yes, you are! Of course you’re are- you’re just ___ or you only seem ___ “ I ask myself this question only to never come up with a satisfactory answer. I can not accept the good in my actions or self because I sit too closely with the pernicious thoughts that run through my mind- when my patience runs out, my anger, my vehemence to what has hurt me. I feel like I am just a creature existing and reacting in the raw. I do not think I am good. I do not believe I am cruel- it frustrates me- someone with nothing but good intentions with no idea how to embody them.