Vulnerable

24in x 24in, oil on canvas, 2024 I started the idea of this piece believing I knew what vulnerability entails. Many of us peruse through life, thinking we are open and receptive, but that is not the case in many instances. I have learned, contrasting "Nurture," which I painted last year, that keeping your back open with good intentions does not make you vulnerable. Ignoring your needs will only prolong your internal conflict. In other words, the age-old analogy of having two wolves, but instead, I used a more sentimental symbol- the Komodo dragon.

Similarly, pride works the same. Old habits die hard- and sitting alone illuminates all those disgusting inner thoughts that you do not dare share with the world. That is a vulnerability in its entirety. Leave your jugular open and discipline yourself so you do not become a martyr. The dragons represent patience. My fascination with them was not wavering throughout childhood. I saw them as regal and mysterious. While I've always watched with morbid fascination the headlines of tigers, hyenas, and lions making their way to American homes- the komodo dragon maintains an unattainable. Yet they are known maneaters, equipped with venom and, most of all, patience. They have already stripped the figure of its identity away because revealing a layer of the inner self is daunting. To reveal you are human and mortal. However, maximizing your culpability is imperative because it is the only way to progress. You cannot form relationships til you have one with yourself.

That was my inspiration- I wanted to be closer to others. I did not wish to the past to lay out my future. It seemed nonsensical; why would I expect the same results from different people? The common denominator is now me. I recognized that I could be open without being naive. I could be myself and embrace my qualities while improving and not going overkill. That oxymoron of a word fits this piece well- acknowledging I could do nothing wrong and still face rejection. Esteem and narcissism are not synonyms.